“Difficult” Woman

I am a “difficult” woman to love.

I am a difficult woman to love because I demand honesty and connection. I want to plan life as an “us” not as two separate people who happen to have sex occasionally. I want the kind of love that grows better together than apart. That is made strong by sharing.. dreaming… planning.. failing.. trying and changing course.

I am a difficult woman to love because I want a love that I can trust. One that will be there in the dark of night when I am scared of the “what if’s” and will hold me and rock my shaken self back to sleep with a strong calm.

I am a difficult woman to love because I am playful. I want a woman that will play with me. Let my silly come out and give it safe space to thrive.. even if only for a moment. Cherishing the moment and loving the wild and unpredictable flashes of the femme unguarded. I will not tolerate a love that wants me quiet and proper all of the time.

I am a difficult woman to love because I will talk. I talk about the really hard things, not just about the disagreements, but how to see eye to eye with love and not give up just because it’s uncomfortable. I want a love that sees me. Really sees me. My faults and failures and loves me anyway. Knows my secrets and understands. My dreams and nudges me gently to reach for my goals. I want a woman who believes in me. Completely.

I am a difficult woman to love because I am intense and I function at that level almost every day. I want a love that is not scared of my fire but drawn to it. That thinks I have magic and wants to be part of its existence.

I am a difficult woman to love because I will not hide that fire anymore.. for anyone. I will not compare myself to another woman and think less of myself because I do not look or act like her. I will honor the women around me as individual and exceptional. I will honor myself the same way. I will not hide the things that make me different. I will exalt them.

I am a difficult woman to love because I want passion. Not just sex, but passion. Passion in words. Passion in actions. Passion in kisses. Passion in everyday life. Real passion… not something you have seen in movies… something that they want to make movies about.

I am a difficult woman to love because I am sensitive. I will see you and your love clearly. I will see your lies and your secrets. I will trust my intuition and know that when you tell me I am too sensitive, it is your way of hiding. I will call you out. Every time. I will love and trust my sensitivity. My empathy. I cherish it as one of my greatest gifts. I want a love who is impressed with my kindness and does not seek to harden me.

I am a difficult woman to love because I see the details. I take the time to notice the things that other people rush past. I will recall these details in conversation. They are important to me. I think that the details are what make life interesting. I want a woman who likes to see though my eyes on occasion and look at the world differently. To share the wonder of something that she might have missed if she didn’t have me.

I am a difficult woman to love because I am not sorry for being difficult. I am proud of it.

I am a difficult woman to love because I am whole and I will live and love as a whole person. If I am difficult for you to love… you are not.

I am a difficult woman to love because I expect a whole love in return.

I will not settle for anything less.

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