Visibly Existing


Goodness it’s been a long time since I posted… I’m sorry. 2013 proved to be a… challenging year. Don’t look back, right?

Ok.. Forging ahead. On to 2014!

My husbutch (must teach autocorrect this word.. It keeps wanting to change it to ‘his butch’.. Ha!), took me out on a date last night. We drove 70+ miles from home, had a stellar dinner, saw some really really great live music and drove back in a snowstorm. (I’m a terrible passenger, but my driver is wonderful. She puts up with all of my antics and is gentle with me when I get a little worked up. I’ve got the best. Really.) We danced and were the hit of the lounge. Everyone came up to us and told us how great we looked together. I was a little surprised!

You see, usually, the two of us dance together and I don’t care at all who’s watching. I thinks that visibility is key to education. You can’t expect people to understand or accept what they’ve never had exposure to. No education leads to ignorance. Ignorance leads to fear. Fear leads to hate. Therefore, I do my best to exist openly and not shy away from doing ‘normal’ things like holding hands, dancing together, futzing with my partners hair when out of place, etc. We are a married couple. We act like one. Simple…

But last night, was different. It was one of the first times that I felt a real response to that. A positive response. This was new. Often times people are polite, but not overly nice. The people at the lounge went out of their way to welcome us. We had driven down to see this band, specifically. My partner went up and introduced herself to the band. They shook hands and they seemed really excited that we drove all the way there just for them. (We did. They were a terrific band!!)

At one point in the night, the band leader was taking a break and came over to our table. He said, “I want you to meet my wife. She the bands manager and well, she’s wonderful. You’ll see her. She so cute!!” It was sweet that he described her that way. Later in the night she showed up and WAS cute. Sweet face, nice smile, gentle voice… Cute. He beamed when he came over after we had talked with his sweetheart for a while. “Isn’t she cute! She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m so lucky!” Ok.. Wow. This guy had it bad for his own spouse, much in the same way I have it for my mine. I think we recognized that in each other. It set the tone for the whole night. People responded to his energy when singing. The room was full of fun all night long.

The point is that no one cared that we were a lesbian couple. Everyone saw my partner as the ‘more masculine’ one and saw me as ‘the femme’ and treated us just like any other couple. It was refreshing. It was wonderful, who am I kidding… I loved it!! My partner danced with the band leaders wife. We all laughed and loved it.

If we exist with out apology or fear, we educate our spectators by just being around. ‘Normal’. I think we’re all a little odd and a little normal at the same time. Exist, my friends.. There is a difference between flag waving (totally appropriate at times), and just being visible in the everyday world. This is my plea to you to do just that. Live. Openly and honestly, but just live ‘out’ in public and be visible to other people in really life. We gain equality, often times, when we stop craving it and just ‘be’ it.


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