Milwaukee Lesbians

In Milwaukee, there are so may lesbians that one would think we could run the city. (Hell, Sue Black practically does!) This is evident at Pride Fest (held yearly in June) at the Summerfest grounds. Lesbians of EVERY shape, creed, size, financial and political background. It’s amazing. We overtake the place. It’s freaking fabulous. Enough eye candy to last a girl the whole year it takes for another Pride Fest to grace Milwaukee’s shores.

Now. Lesbians. I have a bone to pick with you. I am partnered. My partner and I would really like to have lesbian friends. Not possible. Know why? You cannot get any more than two (partnered) lesbians in a room together without someone sleeping with someone they didn’t come with… What gives!?! If you are faithful and happy, you don’t seem to last long in the lesbian scene. You shack up and check out! No more gay fun for you. I hate this.

Example: My partner and I (recently married in Dubuque, Iowa) were at a gathering of women. (I will not name the group, but it revolves around Brunch.) We met many lesbians that we never would have met, otherwise. I was very excited! Some were very nice, intelligent and established women in the city. During the brunch, Everything went swimmingly and we enjoyed ourselves. A unspoken note of appreciation to have found this group of women passed between my lover and I. We were really happy to have found such a large welcoming group of women just like us. We said goodbye to the hostesses and thanked them for opening their home to all of us because it was held in someone’s home rather than a huge public space. Just nice, professional, lesbians. How nice. Well..

There seems to be at least ONE lesbian in a group that is dysfunctionally unhappy.. as a rule. She does not have respect for boundaries or regular social graces. I met this woman.. on the way out the door.

My partner had spoken with her for a while at the party. I had had the chance to talk with her and we even bonded, briefly, over being Femme-identified. Being the only two at the brunch, it was nice to find a common bond with another Femme. Then, as we walked down the steps and toward our cars, she turned and asked my partner (right in front of me) if she would like her number and if she would call her.. I was stunned. She was batting eyelashes and pouting lips in a way that any other femme would recognize from a foe. This self-identified Femme had just crossed the line. Unacceptable.

This is why lesbians move with caution in a large group of new women. It seems that lesbians are not to be trusted. I walked into the brunch knowing that this unspoken and crappy rule was in effect. Unfortunately, the other intelligent, well-established lesbians in the group regarded us with the same distance that we afforded them. For the same reason. When paired lesbians form a relationship with other lesbians (paired or otherwise) it become incestuous. Time and time again, this is proven. It’s as if where there are lesbians there, too, must be cheating, lies and sex. It is the most disappointing part of being a Milwaukee lesbian.

I cannot decide whether it is the titillation of being a lesbian and finding another that initiates the sex, or if it is a real loving desire that is aroused between the two women. Perhaps it is both at different times within the same evening. There is no passion like two women overcoming societal boundaries and making that initial bedroom rendezvous. The excitement and submission is beyond describable. You would have to be a lesbian to understand. If you are a lesbian reading this.. your body temperature has just risen a degree or two thinking of your last “first time”. Hot. I know.

Enter: lesbian bed-death. The realization that you were really just looking for a super-hot, one night stand, and not a “relationship”!! Freaking, control yourselves. There are real boundaries that need to be respected. Married/partnered = OFF LIMITS. Seems obvious, right!?

Milwaukee Lesbians: Keep it in your pants! Control yourselves. See, the trick is.. to find that other SINGLE woman that makes all of the hot, hungry, explorative, necessary, deep, sex something that does not “die” from guilt and disinterest. No more lesbian bed death. Sleep with the one that will make you want it EVERY time.. Not just the first two months (if that..). Find available love. Real love. Be honest about wanting to just have sex and then find an AVAILABLE partner.

I am sure that there are some fantastic, smart lesbian women in Milwaukee, that would make GREAT friends. Respectful.. Honorable.. Chivalrous and Classy women.. I am sure of it. They are at home. Shacked up and safe. Dammit.